The Science of Breaking Up: 7 Tips On How to Get Over a Breakup and Feel Better — Faster

Breaking up can be extremely painful. No one really wants to have their heart broken, but almost everyone has experienced a breakup.

We all know how it feels to lose someone we love. Without experiencing the unbearable pain of a broken heart, millions of poems, literature, songs and movies would never have been created.

It doesn’t even matter what the reasons are for breaking up — whether its cheating, lying, stealing or even some weird personality disorder — breakups lead to a lot of pain.

Some people torture themselves over a breakup. Instead of letting go, they keep re-experiencing the pain — for months or years. Don’t let this happen to you. You can be smarter and get over your breakup faster.

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door… that we do not see the ones which open for us.  ~Alexander Graham Bell

7 Breaking Up Tips: How to Get Over a Breakup and Feel Better — Faster

1.  Do not magnify your pain and suffering. Stop thinking that you’re feeling miserable because you’ve lost the wonderful feelings you can *only* get by being with him or her. Your ex did not have almost-magical powers of making you feel good. The wonderful feelings you felt were due to high levels of feel-good chemicals your body was experiencing.

You need to understand that when you were falling in love, your body was experiencing love’s biological effects. So, the process of breaking up can feel like you’re going through some “withdrawal-like symptoms.” This can explain the miserable effects of falling out of love.

Studies have shown that people in love release certain chemicals in the brain, including pheromones, serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine. These chemicals stimulate the brain’s pleasure and reward center.

The brain scans of people infatuated or newly in love show activation of the same area of the brain for hunger, thirst and drug addiction. As the reaction to love becomes mellow over time, different areas of the brain are stimulated; brain activation in these areas are associated with long-term relationships.

Long-term relationships are associated with increased levels of two hormones, oxytocin and vasopressin.

The secretion of oxytocin is stimulated by activities associated with love, caring and sex, such as, hugging, kissing, talking, touching as well as sexual stimulation, arousal and orgasm.

Although your breakup is causing you to experience some TEMPORARY “withdrawal symptoms” due to the loss of the biological effects of falling in love, it’s important to understand that your body will adjust to this normal process. Your broken heart will heal and you will fall in love again. When you find your new love, you will experience the biological effects of falling in love again.

2. Get help and support as well as spend more time with family members and friends. By enjoying affection, caring and nurturing from loved ones, you can minimize the miserable effects of “withdrawal-like symptoms” of breaking-up. You can get increased secretion of oxytocin from hugging, talking and other caring activities not just from sexual activities. Increased oxytocin can help you feel more connected with your loved ones and can help you feel better faster.

3.  Have fun and find things to do that make you laugh or feel happy. Reverse some of the “withdrawal-like symptoms” of breaking up by participating in fun and pleasurable activities. Go to comedy shows, watch funny movies or do things that make you happy. Activities that make you laugh or make you happy causes increased levels of the feel-good chemical, dopamine, in your brain. This can make up for some of the dopamine that you were previously getting from falling or being in love.

4.  Stay active. Exercise or participate in physical activities, such as, hiking, running, biking, swimming, skiing or tennis. This can increase your levels of endorphins, which can make you feel good. Looking hot can also do wonders for your self-esteem — and make you feel really good.

5.  Pamper yourself and indulge in things that you love. For example, get a massage, a facial or do other things to nurture yourself. Do things that make you smile. Studies have shown that smiling can increase your levels of serotonin and endorphins.

Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps maintain a “happy feeling.” Endorphins are neurotransmitters which function as natural pain and stress killers. These feel-good activities can help make up for some of the serotonin, endorphins and other feel-good chemicals that you were previously getting from falling or being in love.

6.  Let go of your failed relationship. Don’t torture yourself by thinking that you lost a “perfect relationship.” Obviously, there were problems in the relationship that were serious enough to cause you to split up. Forgive yourself and your ex for the failure of that relationship. Some people are just not right for you.

It’s better for you to be with someone more compatible with you and your values. You can avoid all the drama and fighting usually associated with being in a relationship that’s wrong for you. Bad relationships can be too stressful and toxic for your health.

7. As soon as you’re emotionally ready, start dating again. When you fall in love again, you will re-experience the biological effects of love once again. Learn from any mistakes you’ve made in your previous relationship(s) and choose your next partner better. Think of your break-up as a chance to trade up to a relationship that you really deserve. You deserve to be with your soulmate. You deserve to be cherished… you deserve to find true love and happiness.

Don’t worry about losing.  If it is right, it happens. The main thing is not to hurry.  Nothing good gets away.  ~John Steinbeck

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